Advice Column: 2
- Submission: Okay, so, for the past year and a half, I dated this guy that I met at work. He wasn't an employee but he came in on a regular basis. We started dating and 4 months later, we made it official. Two months after that, my grandmother kicked me out (my uncle tried to kill me for having my boyfriend at the time there. Hes Mexican and my family doesnt approve of interracial dating. So my uncle went to jail. The family blamed me and when he got out almost a year later, my grandmother, THE ONE WHO CALLED THE POLICE ON HIM, kicked me out so he could move back in) My boyfriend (Hes black. Family has no problems with him) talked me into moving in with his parents. I moved in with them and 5 months later, we got our own apartment. Things were good for a while, but then we started arguing all the time. He lost his job and I covered his bills. I quit my job to find another one and paid my bills in advance so he wouldn't have to cover mine. I started going to therapy and I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. A couple weeks ago, we broke up. He said he couldnt take the arguments and basically I was going through too much. The next day, I found out he was texting and taking out another girl. He says he doesn't have any intentions of being with her. But..... they're STILL talking and hanging out. I'm tired of being lied to. He wants me to not give up hope of us working out one day. Eww. How do I move on? I was so heartbroken by the breakup that NOTHING feels worth it to me. I find it hard to get out of bed and get the day started. I have no intentions of dating anytime soon, but how do I get over him? How do I get my positive energy back?
- Response: I will fight for love, but I will not compete for it. That is one of the things that I stand the firmest on. Anyone who you involve yourself with, should be putting that energy he is giving her, into making it worth with you. If you are who he really wants hope of being together with, then he should be giving the strengthening of you all's relationship that attention. I know this hurts. I know this hurts SO bad! Possibly one of the worst pains you have ever felt. I am a woman who's heart has been broken before, so I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But the thing is, how much pain should you really allow a person who doesn't find you worth it to cause you? This is a guy who is not willing to sit it out with you in your darkest hour. What does that say about your future? You deserve someone who is going to stick around and also stick it out! He should be your biggest support system, not adding to your issues right now. One of the ways that I get over situations, is that I keep living life. The more I continue to live life, the more I look around and tell myself wow, I'm doing it without him. I can still breath without him, I can still go to work without him, I can still hang out with my friends around him. You date when you feel most ready, there are no rules on time. Also do not start over. If you really want to be done with the situation, you have to be done with it. Cause what happens is you come so far in getting over it, then he pops back up (they always do), then its not working out again, and then you have to start all over in your healing processes. I know its the hardest thing ever, but please trust me, it gets better. Do not let this defeat you! There are people who love you so so much, use this time to dive into that.