Wow! Talk about a reality check. Dr. Brene Brown is such a vision. She put the things I already felt about myself into words, and made so much sense of it. That's amazing to do. She says that joy is the most terrifying emotion, and that could not be more correct. Almost every single time I am happy or feel joy, I have noticed for a while now that I am immediately terrified after, and never understood why. I never understood why it was that I could never just be in the moment. Why I could never just enjoy it fully. Always in the back of my mind I would think to myself, this will be over soon. This moment will not last forever. Dr Brene Brown explained that this is just my lack of vulnerability. I am so terrified of being completely vulnerable to the moment and living in the moment, out of the fear that something is going to go wrong or be taken away for me. So what we do is we beat it to the punch. I'm going to ruin the moment myself before life and time has the chance to. How unfortunate is that! I sit here and I just wonder like wow; every great moment I have ever had, had much greater would it have been if I had just let it happen. If I had been completely vulnerable in that moment regardless of what could possibly happen in the next. And a lot of times, things don't even happen the way our mind can sometimes think it up. She goes on to say how you have to change that into gratitude. I have to start telling myself that yes it will end and yes something terrible may happen, but in this very moment right now, I am so ecstatic and I'm allowed to be. This will take years to perfect I'm sure, because this has been 24 years of training myself to be one way. But they say the first step to fixing a problem is realizing that it is there. Looking forward to authentically enjoying every bit of everything that I can, regardless of anything!